My thoughts on becoming a parent IN Singapore

Referring to this article, http://www.asiaone.com/News/Latest+News/Singapore/Story/A1Story20120302-331115.html which discusses about the 'parenthood' in Singapore, I have some questions I feel are fundamental for the lady to stay at home.

[1] Can you have no off days, no leave, unless daddy can take leave?
[2] Can you have no branded goods?
[3] Can you send the child to an average school (monthly fees of $450) and no enrichment lessons?
[4] Handle all the housework and noise from the kids daily?

Living in Europe has shown me that if our answers to the above is 'yes', then you can stay at home and raise your child (if the average family income is $5000).
In Finland and Sweden, the women or men who choose to stay home sacrifice for the kids too.
In a way, we have to pay the opportunity cost if we want to stay at home to develop the bond with our children. We have to give up our fight to climb up the corporate ladder or any kind of ladder to establish that bond with our children. Sometimes, we might feel that it is unfair. But, what is fair? If you choose the corporate ladder, you have already decided to outsource the caring of kids. Then that is the cost. IF you give up the money and position, you give up the bags and shoes, salary and hi-life. U will have chosen the four walls in the house, market, cooking, caring, teaching and screaming and ultimately, your kids looking at you and say, I LOVE U, MUM. This is the price to pay. Maybe, maybe, we, as parents (male and female) should look at our banks, statements, weighing scale and choose. And, after choosing, not feel guilty and regret.

Ng brothers London trip with grandma and grandpa

J1 and J2 explored London with ah ma and ah gong period from 16 Feb till 20 Feb. We realised that the boys were indeed close to me. in fact, so close you can define it as 'sticky'. This is one benefit of a stay at home mum. They literally take me as a friend, a maid, a cook, a nurse and the list goes on. Well, I've got very strong arms after carrying the boys for, perhaps, 6 hours daily? J1 is 17kg and J2 12.
We've been to Stonhenge, Windsor Castle, Buckingham castle, chinatown, Roman Baths, Harrods, etc. They had a tiring time as they don't really appreciate the scenary. Therefore, we decided to scrap the Germany tour. Perhaps, Club Med Kuantan is our next destination. Sufficient sleep, delicious food, kids having their load of fun, will be a better definition of holiday. nonetheless, I never regretted bringing them along for any of the trips. Its tough, but the photos and memories, make up for it, sufficient for us to do it over again and again.

Jerome turns two!

It has been a long time since I last updated the blog. Jerome has turned two last weekend and we had a family celebration in a Japanese restaurant, Rakuzen at Millenia Walk. We had a little room for the celebration and it was pretty children friendly. The quality of the food was quite good based on the guests. Overall quite satisfied with the meal and Jerome's cake was NOT home made. I got an ice cream cake from Marble Slab Creamery and we customise it with Chuggington. It looked lovely and I am very pleased with the wallet friendly price as well as the looks of it. Jerome was scared of the train models though. Happy 2nd birthday J2!

Some of Yang Yang's acheivements are
[1] He scoots super well.
[2] He can listen to commands very well.
[3] Feeds himself relatively well
[4] He loves to doodle and draw with markers
[5] Loves to sing and dance.

He sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star the other night and CY and myself were so amazed and glad. He is also learning the sounds of the letters quite well too. As I teach gor gor the letters and sounds, he has mastered at least A, C, F, O, P. I am pleasantly surprised that he enjoys it tremedously, displayed by his sitting down each time I reach for the cards.

As for his cheekiness, it's also increasing day by day. Well, Terrible twos, Horrible threes and Incredible fours! But, mummy and daddy loves both boys as much as the day they arrived. Happy birthday, Jerome!

Journal for 19 June 2011, Sunday

Sunny in the morning, grey in noon, rainy during evenings. This is the weather for the day in Finland. We can finally and officially say we are quite settled in our new place in Helsinki now with 95% of the boxes cleared or at least sorted. We already have 4 boxes that are going back to SG with us when the contract ends. Today, we went to the old church park in Helsinki in the morning for the morning walk with the children and they still prefer the usual park near Kamppii. Nonetheless, it has been a really pleasant morning. Jerome is now able to walk and run very well. He has also learnt the art of climbing up the stairs and slide down on his own. He's been trying to jump, as in lift both his feet off the ground at the same time, but well, he's still trying. Sofas have become a possible obstacle course for the boys and they love to perform climbing and jumping activities on it. However, Jerome's still only calling for mama and papa. Today, he's started saying car.

We've also recieved all the guests for the month of June and they have been so wonderful in keeping me company. and i think the kids also love the company. I will try to post more often now that I am settled in, so that people who wanna know about my kiddos can have more of them.
Till then, tata.

Jerome's turning one!

Jerome, my lil' baby is turning one real soon. He's an active and chatty lil' baby. Enjoys climbing up to the table top and cruising on anything he can find. With him turning one soon, it seems like so long ago when I first delivered him. Sometimes, I wonder what my life will be like if I never had children, or if I only had J1, or if I never gotten married. But when I look at the two grwing kids, learning to crawl, walk, run, sleep, eat, I quietly tell God how grateful I am, and not to take evrything I love away from me.

A little poem about God's gift to me.

Thank You God
© Shirley J. Stankiewicz

Sent straight from heaven up above
Came an angel for me to love
To hold and rock and kiss good night
To wrap my arms around real tight

To cuddle & nurture and watch him play
To kiss his boo-boo's all away
To keep him safe and warm & count all his toes
To hold the tissue for him when he blows his little nose

To laugh at his jokes, to clap as he sings
To tell him all the joy in my life that he brings
To clean up his play dough, to pull his legos apart
To pin up his drawings and tell him it's art

To watch his first day of school on the bus all alone
To fight back the tears as I make my way back home
To applaud real loud when he's in his first play
To help him with his homework at the end of his day

To adore & cherish and watch him grow
To guide and teach him all that I know
To see him through good times & help him through bad
To share in his happiness and cry when he's sad

To hold him close and be by his side
To watch him through life as my heart fills with pride
To help him with decisions, the best that I can
To know that someday he'll be a fine young man



Poem Source: Gift From Above, Baby Poems http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/family/poetry.asp?poem=1670#ixzz1AjHUitsL

What to do in blizzard like weather in Finland with the kids!

Today is Boxing Day, 26th Dec 2010. The weather is vry cold, blizzard-like conditions and as Asians coming from hot and humid Singapore, it's really impossible to get out of the house. As we know, my 2 boys are active and adventurous, so no amount of scribbling, reading and craft will satisfy the need for action! We finally decided to turn the home into an 'active' playground and the only game we play was 'hide and seek'. Well, we had loads of fun and laughter; look at the rules that Javier played by.
[1] He will appear when you enter the room where he hides. *BOO!
[2] He will hide right under your nose. Daddy was standing in front of toilet and J went in and shut the door, opened it and said to his dad,"Papa, I want to hide in the toilet, ok?" We laughed till our bellies were filled.
[3] He will walk to his hiding place very quickly and loudly.... we obviously know where he's hiding!

The next game we are playing with him, is treaure hunt! Happy homestay!

Gill

It's mummy's birthday!

Yes! It's the same time of the year again. I'm blowing out 28 candles in the year 2010 with my closest family around me. I'm feeling the effects of being in a strange land without friends and relatives.
Almost every birthday celebration starts with lots of well wishes, cakes and food and ends with me feeling so blessed. This year is a very quiet year, without all of the fanciful stuff, but a simple song from my family via video conference and my 3 best friends conversing with me via video brings me such blessings and peace. I wish I can be at my favourite Italian restaurant along Bukit Timah Road, enjoying dinner with my dear dear. However, counting my blessings, I have to, in such severe temperatures, I have so much time with myself.

I miss you, my dearest friends and my lovely family. I really do. Thank you for all the blessings from the past till this day. And I will treasure the "present".

A sick week for the family

This past week has been a snow storm for me. I sleep a maximum of 5 hours before crawling out of bed, cleaning dirty noses and watery poo throughout the day. Cooking has become a chore simply because I have a Koala clinging to me in all of his waking hours. And, I have become really short tempered and the fuse is indeed running short with the kids. And then, I read something online that pulled me back to sanity. Life is about giving and sharing and learning. I am still learning how to be a competent stay at home mummy, which is a far cry from my life in SG. Having to cope with the chores, cooking, kids, and this week, sickness, is very tough.
So far, I have screamed and yelled at the kids, cried after and become stronger.
These two years are dedicated for my family, putting myself at the end of the list. All the good and bad will pass; when we look back at the time, we will recall and retain all the wonderful memories and sights. Just like work, there's always good and bad. Let's look at the good, forget the bad and move on; because when we look back, we won;t even remember the bad. How often do you remember the labour pain after the baby is one?

A story from "Opening The Door of your Heart"

On Commitment
My view of relationships and marriage is this: when the couple are going out, they are merely involved; when they become engaged, they are still merely involved, maybe more deeply; when they publicly exchange marriage vows, that is commitment.
The meaning of the marriage ceremony is commitment. During a ceremony, to drive home the meaning in a way people usually rememberfor the rest of their lives, I explain that the difference between involvement and commitment is the same difference between bacon and eggs.
At this point, the in-laws and friends start to pay attention. They begin to wonder, 'what has bacon and eggs got to do with marriage?' I continue.
"With bacon and eggs, the chicken is only involved, but the pig is commited. Let this be a pig marriage."
I have two friends getting married soon, and I hope that both their weddings opps, marriages, will be pig marriages.

There's a lot to learn and give in commitment. May your journey be as wonderful as mine, if not surpassing mine. Be happy.

Javier's school trip to Atlantis at Lower Delta

I was supposed to go for a class excursion to Singapore Botanical Gardens Jacob Ballas this morning. However, it rained heavily and we really couldn't go at all. So, there's the last minute plan to go to the Atlantis @ lower Delta. We had loads of fun and it was good value for a price at $4/ hr.


Jave upside down in ball pit


Jave's gone down the slide with Tcr Zhu'e


Jave n his new friend

Our Sunday @ Hort Park

Today mummy and papa brought didi and me to Hort park! It's the first time we were there and I had a great time though it was very hot. Didi didn't like it too much cos he was fussing and mummy had to carry him and walk around...

I brought my scooter there and had fun going down the slopes.
It was fun but really too hot, so, we shorten the trip and went home.
Trust me, we'll be back for more fun soon.


Mummy,didi and me!


Daddy and me!


Me on my scooter!


Can you see my sweat?

Javier's farewell at Masterpiece CCC

I am changing school so that it'll be much more convenient for mummy to fetch me to and fro school.

I'll miss my school, friends and teachers badly.

Mummy bought some cupcakes for my friends and teachers to enjoy and snap some photos for keepsake.


Hope I'll find the new school as fun!

Our new addition - Baby Jerome

Oops! This post is two months late! Baby Jerome will be turning two months old 16th March'2010. Mummy has been swamped with baby, me and herself!

Baby Jerome and Javier are still getting on lovingly, except for occassions when big J wants to have mummy's attention at 100%.

To all parents out there who are tired out by your children's wants and demands, cries and wimping, remind yourself that even when you are not 100% perfect as a parent, you are still adored by them. That is so unconditional and that's the gift as a parent.

As I turn two years old...

As I turned two years old, my mummy has so much thoughts and feelings. Two years ago, my mummy experienced the most excruciating pain in her lifetime to deliver me into this world and after two years, I have grown to be a boy who tugs at her heart. She has taught me a lot, like how to eat, play, sleep. But she feels that I have given her a lot more.

Thank you, my Javier for teaching me to be tolerant,
when you throw a tantrum or cry for no rhyme or reason.
For teaching me how to spend on someone else,
and how to compose myself despite being terribly upset.
You have also taught me how to thank others for making u who u r today.
No matter what happens, you are always mummy's Javier and I will always love you.

Sometimes, I cannot imagine how my little bundle has developed physically, socially and intelletually. He has shown me that he's capable of doing a lot. Though I see children everyday, I am still amazed and I thank GOD for giving me this wonderful baby.

I've learnt so much from him. I dunno how to pen it down. This experience of motherhood is something no one else can give or take away. Once you become a mother, this experience is the most worthy and precious to you.

So now, even as I am sporting a very very terrible backache (so bad I cant turn in my bed) from my 2nd pregnancy, I have no doubt about this. God is gracious to me and my family. We are blessed.

Javier's 2nd Birthday Bash with all Nov 07 tots

Today was a special day for all the mummies and babies of November 2007.

This month, two years ago, marks a significant change for all of us, child and adult alike.

We held a simple birthday bash at McDonald's this year. Games, fast food and cake.. not forgetting the ice cream were part of the deal.

Some of my friends were under the weather and sick too.. I hope that they will get well really soon.

Happy Birthday, friends!

Saying hello with my little brother in 3D

Yesterday, mummy and papa brought me to see didi to say hello in 3d.

My first meeting with didi.. but I didn't know at all. When the doc performed the u/s on mummy, i kept telling mummy,"mummy bao bao". Mummy thought that this time round will be less emotional for her, but she realised that it's not true. She teared a little when she saw didi's face. Didi also played hide and seek with Dr Chang. He tried to turn away from the camera when the scan was done.. Dr Chang had to retake the picture of his face in the end again.
Here is a picture of my didi.

After that, we went home for my nap. then went out to Taka baby fair to get some essentials for didi, but well, we ended up with more of my stuffs.

We also had a nice dinner at Sushi Tei.

My busy weekend

Mummy has been really busy 'resting' these days.. It's tough for her to work, sleep and look after me with didi growing inside her each day. She's really doing a great job now.

Well, back to me, I have been talking a lot these days. I have also learnt to put words together to get what I want. For instance, I'll say "put here".
I also attended Minh Li's birthday party and I had loads of fun. Thanks for inviting me, MInh Li!

We also went to a chinese restaurant to have dimsum cos daddy wants to terminate the starhub account. I had really yummy char siew buns and century egg porridge. I ate 1 and a half baos! Daddy and mummy were so shocked.

Javier's 3rd day at school

Today is Javier's 3rd day at school and I dunno how he's gonna be like. He was crying from 9.30 to 10..30 yesterday. I think he'll cry again today, but I hope he will settle down soon. It's so difficult... I dun want him to think I abandon him but at the same time, if I give in and pamper him, he will not settle. I thought for a long time yesterday and made a few calls to ex-colls, n the consensus is to let him cry is better for him in the long run. No matter what, he's a boy. I have to trust the teachers and my son. He can do it. I will have to try.

A decision to leave it to God.. I'm just going to be happy

Finally, finally, after so much tears and stuff, I've decided that since I can't do much for my job except wait and see how my morning sickness goes, I will leave it to the God above to decide. For a long long while, I have been thinking about going back to work, then the puking makes me so so sick that I put it on hold. Then I worry about not being fit enough to go back when my leave ends in 9 days time. Then I detest this little life inside me, cos I can't do all of the 'normal' things that I did before and I just lay on bed most of the day. And, not forgetting the scholarship I gave up for this baby.. WIth my mum, maid, and hubby doing everyhting for me. I am just too sick, i figured. And I figured its because I am pregnant, to the extent that I told my hubby that it just does not make sense to have a 2nd child.

I thought long and hard for the past week. Today, I read something that just tugged at my heart.. It's about abortion and how the baby felt when the mummy doesn't want it anymore.
Abortion

Dear Mommy,
I am in Heaven now...I so wanted to be your little girl. I don't quite understand what has
happened.
I was so excited when I began realizing my
existance. I was in a dark, yet comfortable
place.
I saw I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far
along in my developing, yet not near ready to
leave my surroundings. I spent most of my
time thinking or sleeping. Even from my
earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.

Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried
with you.
Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I
heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and
hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much.

One day you cried almost all of the day. I
hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were
so unhappy.

That same day, the most horrible thing
happened. A very mean Monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in. I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me.
Maybe you never heard me.

The monster got closer and closer as I was
screaming and screaming, "Mommy, Mommy, help me
please! Mommy, help me." Complete terror is
all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I
thought I couldn't anymore. Then the monster
started ripping my arms off. It hurt so bad; the
pain i can never explain. It didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as
it ripped my leg off. Though I was in such
complete pain, I was dying. I knew I would never
see your face or hear you say how much you love
me.

I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had
so many plans to make you happy. Now I
couldn't, all my dreams were shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all.

I wanted more than anything to be your
daughter.
No use now, for I was dying a painful
death. I could only imagine the terrible things
that they had done to you. I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand. And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead. I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.

The angel took me away to a wonderful
place. Then I was happy. I asked the angel what was the thing was that killed me. He
answered, "Abortion. I am sorry, for I know how it feels." I don't know what abortion is, I guess that's the name of the monster.

I'm writing to say that I love you and to
tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too powerful.

It sucked my arms and legs off and finally
got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just
wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didn't want to die.
Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion
monster.

Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to
go through the kind of pain I did. Please be
careful.

Love,
Your Baby Girl

Although abortion was never on the cards for me, I felt that the baby has a life and he loves me. He doesn't mean for me to suffer this way and the feeling of detest I had for him was so silly, so unfounded. If I, as his mother don't love him, then he can feel it and he will be very very sad. When I thought about this, I think I woke up. He's God's gift. And, I will love him, just as I loved Javier.
So, now, I leave whether I will be well enough for all my 'normal' events to GOD, I can't do anything... And I believe I will live through this and say, "I'm happy for this family, for this life I've lived", when my time is here.

I think too much? Maybe... but at least it's sorted.

Our day on 4th July

Today, mummy and daddy brought me to see my little baby... We still dunno if it's a boy or a girl, but we know that my little sibling has got hands and legs all ready. I still am not sure what Dr. Lim was doing with that funny thing around mummy's tummy and i wonder what's the screen for. BUt, mummy and papa say that Dr says my little baby is much more stable now and they are really happy. I had sundae at Mcdonalds too and enjoyed it tremendously.
Well then we pack food back home and I fell asleep in the car, now I am awake and busy playing at home. I will probably take my nap at 2pm today!!!